The Edge [of all] Journeys

What a day. It rained all day. It was too cold to really get any fresh air, so we were pretty much cooped up for the day. And it seemed like a completely unorganized, frustrating, chaotic day. Andrew and I both had plans to do some work today, the kids needed to do some school, meals had to be made, kids needed physical activity, all which seemed to happen at once and then none of it happened successfully. Still a bit run down and tired, there were some nuclear melt-downs, arguments, teasing, more fits, hungry grumpies, and still more challenges which I have completely forgotten now that it is the end of the day and all the days events are a blur. I do remember trying to feed the kids left-over black bean burgers for lunch on the floor because Andrew had taken over the whole dining room table as his office space. It’s only temporary, but it’s very inconvenient. I was stepping over kids and plates and books and toys and boxes if I wanted to get anywhere.

I’m learning that in a small space, everything has to be very intentional. Everything must have it’s own place and must be there for a reason. Nothing can be half-hazard. It’s fun in some ways to figure out how to organize everything to make life easier, but if anything is out of place, suddenly, it’s a mess. In a small space, a little mess, is a big mess. A few dirty dishes becomes an immediate chore that needs to be done to free up more space. A little bit of clutter is a huge deal. Not liking clutter and messes in particular (I’m not a clean freak, but I do like things tidy), this experience is definitely stretching me. I’m going to have to get used to a more cluttered lifestyle. With 7 people in about a 300 square foot space, things are bound to get messy and cluttered. It would help things a bit, if we got rid of even more things, which I am in the process of doing. I organized our bedroom a bit more tonight and emptied out a few more boxes and found new practical homes for things. I also threw out a few more things. I am coming across things and thinking to myself, “now, why on earth did I ever want to keep that?” or “this just doesn’t go in this new space.” More purging.

After lunch, after a few naps, things quieted down and Reayah started worshipping. We all joined in for a bit, and I was thankful for this moment of peace and mental re-calibration. I am always reminding myself (or my heavenly Father is reminding me) to have a worshipful heart in every moment, no matter what is happening. This can seem almost impossible, when you’re trying to put a fussy baby to sleep, force feeding black bean burgers to another, taking another to go potty, and trying to motivate two unmotivated kids in their school work. It can not happen on my own strength. Only with YHWH’s grace can I do this. When I decide, in my frustration and exhaustion, to lift my eyes up to where my help comes from, and say a prayer of thanks or even force a song of praise out of my lips, things get lighter and the rain that is beating down on our awning outside sounds so beautiful and soothing, like a simple symphony and I am so thankful for a warm cozy home, my amazing husband and wonderful children. Another day is done and my heart is full.