The Edge [of all] Journeys

Part of this whole process is trying to find employment that will tolerate our 100% remote circumstances. There are more options for us than you might think: Renee is an amazing artist and graphic designer and I am an experienced programmer and technology consultant with some remarkable credentials from past projects. Our “Plan B” is to do this completely Freelance if we have to… and we might just have to. Today I got word that one of the positions that interested me, and for which I had interviewed, is not going to work out. I’m a little disappointed, but also relieved – even though they might have been willing to consider the remote arrangement, I think they were looking for a larger up-front commitment than I was completely comfortable with (at least initially while we’re trying to figure out the basics of our new lifestyle). So, one less decision to make. That door is closed. But it means we’re still considering all the options and trusting for finality on our income to materialize at some point. This is completely true to what we knew would happen when we decided to start this process: it is stretching and building our trust in the Creator as our Provider.

Through this prism, then, I found myself considering the big picture of our transition as I was reading Jeremiah 32 this morning when I came to verses 22 and 23: “And You gave them this land, of which You swore to their fathers to give them, a land flowing with milk and honey. And they came in and possessed it, but they did not obey Your voice nor did they walk in Your Torah [loving instructions]. They did not do ALL that You commanded them to do, so you brought all this evil upon them.” (emphasis mine)

As I read this I was convicted: am I doing all of this for the right reasons? What started out as a simple dream and desire that Renee and I shared even before we were married is finally coming to pass. But are we stepping into this merely because we’ve always wanted to do it, or are we truly going because we’re committed to Yahweh’s greater purpose in it? This morning I was keenly aware that my heart is still trying to hold onto my own ideas and desires for our Journeys, which maybe explains why it can be so hard to get motivated to do everything it will take to finally depart. Those ideas and desires are not bad – in fact, I firmly believe that they are planted in us by our Heavenly Father to get us headed in a particular direction. However, alone they are incomplete, and pursued without Yahweh’s purposes to guide them, they are empty.

And so, to clarify where my heart is, I wrote the words of this prayer:

Father Yahweh – forgive me for loving worldly comforts and securities so much. I hate loving them. I hate the hesitation caused in my by that affection. Forgive my hesitation. As Your people physically departed Egypt but left many of their hearts behind in slavery, please do not let us make the same mistake. Circumcise our hearts as we depart so that we cling completely to You. Cause us to remember Lot’s wife.

I want our travels to be about Purpose and not just adventure. I want them to be for Your honor and not for any attention drawn to us. I want them to be filled with labor for Your Kingdom and not merely a vacation from the world. I confess: we do not know how to do this. We have an amazing responsibility to raise our children in Your Ways and to provide for their needs. Strengthen us to trust in Your provision!

We place ourselves in Your Hands – to go where you show us. To do what you ask us. I don’t want to seek any of this for my own pleasure or satisfaction – You will fill us along the way – but I want this to be about completely obeying ALL Your beautiful plans for our family. We will not be safe outside of Your Design. I know this. We will not be successful in our own strength. I know this. But if we follow the paths which you have already laid, and guard to keep our hearts in Your Present Purposes, I also know that you will add so much more to our journeys than we could ever hope or imagine.

Help us to do what it takes. Help us to find balance before the coming chaos.

8 weeks and counting…

Only a short time left before we hit the road! We are selling stuff, donating stuff, throwing away stuff. Makes me realize how much stuff I really have. Makes me wonder why I have so much stuff anyway. I’m looking forward to living in a smaller space. There will be a lot less to clean. Less space to accumulate stuff. I’m trying to organize and simplify, but for some reason, this means buying more. I need new bins and new containers and drawers and folders to keep everything in it’s place. I am buying more stuff as I’m trying to get rid of stuff. It’s getting very complicated to live simply. It would be easier to throw everything out and start over completely. Hmmmmm…. that’s an idea.

This was the picture I was taking after bailing off my bike ride home from the metro today when a lady not-quite shouted across the road “Who are you and why are you taking pictures?” About a year ago, when I decided I was going to get serious about pursuing this photography thing that I was enjoying so much, I knew I had a LOT to learn, but I never would have imagined the persecution that would come with it. Ok, I’m being dramatic, because if I had my druthers I’d hardly interact with people… ever… well, there are a couple exceptions, but you get the idea.

I tried to inject a little excitement into my reaction this time – “The sunset! I’m a photographer and I’m just taking a picture of the sunset. Do you want to see?” I approached her and could tell she was starting to let her guard down a little. We chatted for a bit, I showed her the shot, and she explained why she was suspicious even though I had already guessed as much. Apparently that “private” neighborhood (which had the misfortune of being directly under that sunset at that moment) had seen its share of suspicious characters driving through taking pictures of people’s property. I told her I had no problem with her asking what I was doing and said I was sorry to cause her any concern. I hope I left her with the impression that people taking pictures aren’t necessarily up to no good.

It’s not just the terrorists. Other evil morons are picking away at that fabric of a reasonable society through their stupidity, selfishness, and greed. I never blame the people who challenge me when I’m taking photos in public. It’s not their fault. I might hold a grudge for two minutes if they’re rude about it, but I’m always aware that the blame really falls at the feet of those who abuse our freedoms; providing the impetus for authorities to take away (and the populous to surrender) our normal expectancy of independence and openness in our own society. How much sense does it make to give away something so that it can be protected!!!??? Hello? It’s all fine and dandy that our freedom is protected, but when it doesn’t even belong to us any more what good does it do?

I photograph in DC a lot, so these kind of challenges are something I experience often (I’m a little too interested in things other than the monuments to blend in with the tourists). I find it incredibly ironic that some people get completely bent out of shape because I like to take pictures of interesting things in public places when their picture was taken a million times that day by the bastions of security cameras peppering the city buildings and streets. Just look around some time when you’re in a big city: overhangs, street corners, building walls, every dark half-ball shaped thing the size of a grapefruit is a camera, and of course there’s the older, more obvious long brick-shaped ones. Shouldn’t we be objecting to having our picture constantly taken all the time like that? Oh, right, but it’s for our protection. And not for commercial use anyway.

Do I hate security cameras? No. I’m making a point. We are just as quick to throw the rights of others away as we are to throw our own rights away. Sometimes I’m surprised by how quickly that is, that’s all I’m saying. Then again, what if I was a bad guy and Joe Citizen never reported me? There are always so many sides to everything. I guess I just never would have thought that the steepest learning curve in photography would be the people skills (especially when people are the last thing I’m interested in photographing). I want to learn how help people see in ways they’ve never seen before. I’m getting a lot of practice anyway… one day maybe I’ll be able to turn a confrontation into another person’s excitement at opening their eyes wider to the world around them just as easily as I pointed my camera at the sky and pressed the shutter release tonight.