The Edge [of all] Journeys

There are at least 2 meanings behind this post’s title. Ah…. where to begin? Maybe a brief and astounding recap of what the last several months have contained to catch the record up to the present:

• Spent a mild and blessed winter in Winnipegosis, MB
• Appreciated all the fellowship we had with our close friends in that area between Thursday night guy’s group, Friday night Bible Studies / games nights, and Sabbath / Festival celebrations
• Were delayed by several months from our original plans to depart in April after Passover
• Zach, Renee, and Bennah had birthdays
• Reayah pulled off her first entrepreneurial enterprise with a bake sale that turned a profit and was quite a success
• I went to Winnipeg in early June to shoot the last Outdoor Adventure exam race, which turned out epic in so many ways
• Resigned from Clvr
• Found out we were pregnant with #7 !!!
• Discovered the Quarry House is indeed for real on the market and started trying to figure out how YHWH might provide for us to land there
• Managed the overwhelming task of moving back into the trailer after 8 months of adjusting to house life having spread out again…

Last week was pretty intense – building up the momentum and wrapping as many loose ends as possible to once again have enough propulsion to break orbit and launch back into the crazy storm of life on The Road.

Never Settle means primarily two things to me right now. Our lives are presently characterized by disruption (in and intense but also positive and scary but exciting way). Being pregnant again. Technically jobless (though Father is providing projects and income). And a host of other potential stress-storms. We’re travelling again, and so I feel like we’re Never Settling… I thought I would never be ready to settle. Roughly 2 months before Renee got pregnant again (funny wording, I know, as if that just somehow mysteriously happens) I was reflecting on my restlessness to be traveling again and getting frustrated with the financially induced delays (which Father used for other purposes of course). And I distinctly remember asking myself, “is there anything that would make me want to settle down and plant some roots,” and the only thing I could think of at the time was, “well, another child would probably do it,” but like that was ever going to happen. Well, it did. And so there’s part of be that will Never Settle – life is about never settling – staying in motion, constantly growing, learning, adapting, becoming… if we settle and fight that and stagnate we die. We might be alive but we’re dead. Then again – never settling can also be a form of settling. If I were to insist on traveling after that season is over I would be settling for a craving whose time has past.

When I got back to Winnipegosis after a few days in Winnipeg shooting the Race, it felt like I was arriving home, and it was more than just the fact that my family was there… It was a very bizarre emotion because I don’t recall ever feeling like a particular place was home. My nomadic spirit has always felt like home was a state of being not a geographical location. It was very peculiar. Trippy even. More so because I know that ultimately Home is Israel – the land promised by the Creator to His people. And perhaps this is a stronger reason for my typical aversion to associations of Home with any physical place I might temporarily inhabit. Even this sensation I felt for Winnipegosis – it felt more like Home than I recall any other place feeling – but I must acknowledge that that too is only a temporary condition even if it lasts for years.

So here we are on what will likely be our last major tour. That in itself is laden with quite a bit of surreal strangeness because over a year ago we thought we were arriving in Winnipegosis to build and settle. But I guess we hadn’t been made ready quite yet and there are shaping adventures that must be chased yet. We are delighted in the joys and familiarity of travel life once again and have been in Winnipeg for almost a week now. Of course, with the delights there are also the stresses, which are compounded by the things that make it difficult to pretend we’re just in vacation mode. House life is so much simpler. The differences are stark and fascinating with the vantage point to compare them acutely. Although some things are simplified, there’s also a whole other layer of logistics that comes with the territory.

Never Settle also embodies the core DNA we want to imprint on our next company. We? Well, it’s a really long story. But I and two of the other three principal owners / members of Clvr resigned. Some dust is still settling, but my time there is completely done. It was really an odd and unexpected plot twist in my life story, but the Author has His reasons. I’m excited to discover them. It still feels weird to be done with something that I never anticipated ending this way and poured an immense amount of myself into for 2.5 years.

We leave Winnipeg tomorrow with a spontaneous shift in the original plan to stay here at the Welcomestop campground until Monday. Instead, we’re headed further south in Manitoba to spend the weekend with dear friends and catch up as much as possible before we leave Canada.

On the horizon – the adventures that already peak around the corner, staring at us even now:

• Heading to Denver, CO primarily for some amazing wedding events and to spend some summer time in the mountains with our dear family and friends there.
• Building a new company. It might even be called something like Never Settle. And it will be very different from Clvr or any other company for that matter.
• Perhaps a fall east coast tour with destinations along the way of getting there (?)
• Huge decisions to make like where to have this next baby, where to spend winter, how soon to return to Canada…
• Immigration processes to research and apply for my permanent resident status in Canada.
• Finding Home: Winnipegosis? Quarry House? The Edge? Somewhere else?

What does the Author have up His sleeve?

[I am not making this up. Zach wrote this completely from his own brain for school. I am merely the scribe. Enjoy. –Andrew]

Part 1 – 6/7/2012:

Once upon a time there was a family and their last name was the Lundquists. They were a family of spies. There was four people altogether. There was a dad, a mom, a boy who was six, and a girl who was nine.

The dad taught the older class how to be spies. The mom taught the younger class. They gave the kids grappling hooks and taught them how to climb walls.

One day: the dad quit his job and started a new job. His new job was to guard the button that turns the whole world upside down. The button is on the wall of the tallest bank in the world.

The people who wanted to push the button were ninjas! There were 3 of them. And they lived in the African Savannah.

The spy family lived in Colorado.

Part 2 – added 7/4/2012:

The ninjas came to Colorado to invade. The spy family tried to stop them, but it was too late.

The ninjas pushed the button and the reason why they wanted to push the button was because it snapped the vault open and the money fell out.

Three weeks later the spies tricked the ninjas for a bribe and because the ninjas believed the trick they gave the money back to the spies.

Then at night the spies dragged the ninjas into the trees while they were sleeping and kept the house.

[to be continued… (I hope)]

“I know the perfect ending for movies. They should NOT end with kissing but should have fighting instead.”

(age 6)

I’m sitting here with a coffee and a leftover brownie, basking in the sleepiness from a very late night and memories from a wonderful Passover last night shared with family and friends.

One of the advantages of being in an actual house, is being able to host dinners and events. I really enjoy hosting and love serving people. To see full bellies and lots of smiles is the reward for me. Living in a trailer has hindered the ability to host. Although we have attempted with success on occasion. Of course, hosting comfortably while in a trailer generally has to be done outside (we have done it inside and our guests have been very accommodating even though they didn’t have much elbow room). We have had another family of 5 over for a sleepover and it worked. We have had rotisserie over a campfire for a large group, and even with my small kitchen, have fed large groups of people. I just have to be creative. Oh, those were the days. We’ve been in this house for 5 months now and I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to live on the road.

We are still planning to move back into our trailer, but are waiting to save up a little money first before we hit the road again. We’ve not sure how long that will take since we haven’t had any extra to save lately. We’re trusting that when we’re supposed to leave, we’ll have the funds to do so. In the meantime, we are really enjoying the house, the town, the people and Yahweh’s plan. Yah’s plans are more often than not, different than our own plans. I’ve been stretched personally and challenged many times to just rely on His purposes and timing and just let my own expectations go.

But, back to last night. 🙂 We had 4 other families over to share in passover with us. The lamb took a bit longer to cook than I anticipated so, we began later than I had hoped (another challenge to let go of my own expectations) but trusted in Yah’s timing for everything. We started off the night by mounting a mazuzah on our doorpost. Yes, this is just a traditional jewish way of interpreting the scripture to “write His word on your doorpost.” We had this mazuzah for years and never used it. It was a handmade gift and is very beautiful but I had reservations about using it since it is “jewish tradition.” I had wanted to literally write scripture on my doorpost, but have never gotten around to it. This year, the idea of mounting the Mazuzah seemed cool. Contained in this little decorative wooden box, is a small paper scroll with the “Shema” passage (Deuteronomy 6:4-9), in which Yah commands us to keep His words constantly in our minds and in our hearts. The scroll also contains another passage (Deuteronomy 11:13). It is not a superstition but is simply a decorative way to obey Deuteronomy, 6:9 (And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house, and on your gates). We broke bread and drank wine in remembrance of What Yahweh’s son did for us, and shared a wonderful meal together. Andrew read some scripture and we had some good discussion and people shared some of their personal testimonies and experiences. The discussion got late and although it didn’t really feel that late, after everyone left, it felt really good to go to bed.

Thank you to everyone who was able to come and share in this very special feast with us. To the rest of our spiritual family, we remembered you last night, we love and miss you and are so thankful for you and your friendship and encouragement. Blessings and Happy Feast!

Time is a funny thing. Take for instance the time that I am spending to write this when perhaps I should be sleeping. From a certain vantage point this time could be better spent. And from another, this is the best way to spend it.

For some reason this day culminated in a peculiar sequence of events and observations that might have otherwise gone unnoticed if it hadn’t been for the curious case of Benjamin Button. Do you ever notice that? How some days more than others just seem to be trying to communicate a particular message all their own. Maybe every day should be like that and it is only certain days that we’re actually listening carefully enough to catch it. And then again maybe some days just shout their message more loudly than others.

So much time has passed since last I wrote. That must be some sort of psychological hurdle that ironically prevents me from writing more frequently until finally some sort of unavoidable inspiration overcomes the inertia of all the things that have passed unrecorded and I have no choice but to but to let it all come flowing out in a colorful outburst laden with weightier harmonies than any routine life-stenography could carry.

Today was dripping violently with Time saturation as though the last few months have been soaking in it and someone finally decided to raise it high with discovery’s expectation for how much It held and how long it would take to drip out.

I have been driving myself hard the last few months particularly with work. It’s easy to do as I love what I’m good at and there’s no shortage of things to demand my particular zeal for stubborn problem solving. But in the middle of that seemingly inescapable and delightful storm also comes the burden of feeling like my other priorities – some of them like family, which are far more important – are just getting the left-overs of me at best. And while I know that the blessings of my work at home situation afford me much greater flexibility and more time with my wife and kids than most, it still doesn’t feel like enough – it feels like I should have more for them and less for work. What do we allow to devour our time?

We were clearly past due for a vacation and what better way to spend it than a weekend-long prophecy seminar about the End Times, some time catching up with family and friends, and a solid day of shopping in Winnipeg? Yes, when we returned home after almost a week I knew that we had a great vacation because we needed another. Time.

But the healthiest part was going (nearly) cold turkey on work for a bit. Of course this means that I’m having to drag myself past some reluctance to build up steam again, but I think that this is a good thing too and will hopefully help me strike a fresh and more stable balance as things settle out once more.

And then there are video games. Ah how quickly dormant passions resurface when the right conditions conspire to release them: the placebo of an outlet that involves problem solving of a very different sort than the routine, a new facilitator (iPad ironically purchased solely for work at the first), and the excuse of vacation time. If you don’t understand how I can connect the concepts of Passion and Gaming, then you have somewhat to learn about the authentically male heart. In perfect Eldredge-ian philosophy (most of which I believe is very very truthful) I can recognize that hours and hours poured into colonizing planets, designing and commanding fleets of ships, and taking over the universe one star system at a time Is really nothing more than my male heart seeking a visceral kingdom building experience. And yet that is Time that completely evaporates, and there is a real Kingdom to build, and the mind knows this even as the spirit knows that Kingdom is far more real and adventurous than even the most cleverly crafted game. Ah but we we like our instant gratification don’t we? There’s nothing quite like starting with only one planet and no technology and in the span of a few near-all-nighters defeating 4 other alien species for domination of the universe.

There is nothing like the innocent disappointment of a child who missed out on some enjoyment of an incredible moment in life because it didn’t match their expectations of how it was going to or should unfold to drive home the lesson that every moment in Time is precious and if we are constantly requiring them to fit our preconceptions of how they ought to play out then we will be constantly let down. Today reminded me that Time is not something we can place demands upon, but that we will also have a far superior experience within its confines if we decide to make the most of it and savor. This was essentially the encouragement and warning I gave Reayah. It was also the wisdom shared by Renee’s grandmother at the girl’s Tea Party that Renee and the girls hosted here while the boys and I holed up upstairs and did guy things.

Then today my laptop power supply fried out. It was the oddest thing. The failure caused a fluctuation in the power of other things plugged into the same power supply, accompanied by a faint pop and the smell of toasted electronics though it took me a minute or two to figure out what had happened. (Almost) nothing lasts forever and Time claims many things. In the instance that I figured out what had happened, the implications threatened to choke me. Thankfully the power supply for my old laptop turned out to have the same exact watts, amps, and plug size, and I can use that until the new one arrives.

As if attempting to tie all those threads into a final tapestry from the day, Renee decided she was going to watch a movie tonight and it was going to be The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. For all it’s shortcomings it’s still an excellent thought-provoker and I found one thing in particular resonating quite deeply: “when it comes to the end [of a particular plan, of a day, of a season, of a life], you have to let it go.”

How true. Seems like there was more I had intended to write, but coming to the end of this post I am discovering that my brain is using Time less and less efficiently the longer I keep at this and I too have to let it go.

“dad I was running so fast my body almost fell apart and I was like the sun burning up!”

(age 6)

[asking to be excused from the dinner table]:

“can I be full now?”

(age 3)

Probably about time for a photo refresh here: