The Edge [of all] Journeys

I’m writing this after a pretty tough week – not like, dramatic tough, just self-inflicted tough. I stressed myself out over a couple projects that really didn’t have any stress attached too them. And stress is not the right word either, but it’s the closest I can get to communicate the point. I don’t actually really ever get stressed out about much of anything if you can believe it. But I do have this condition where, once I sink my teeth into a project, it takes more than , a band of wild horses, an international crisis, and a New Kids on the Block song to pull me off of it. Unless of course I actually finish it. This week was not so perfect on finishing things. But in all the mundane chaos I did make  progress… with a few priority casualties along the way.

Traveling is so much better for writing-inspiration, actually. There’s not all that much to write about. This week and the week before it were pretty much the same pasty flavor: Work. Don’t get the wrong idea – I love my work. I love what I’m good at. I love solving, fixing, and fusing technologies. I’m just a little grumpy because I didn’t get much sleep this week or spend enough time with my family and that’s my own fault.

So, it all comes to a nice, relieving end with Sabbath and some time for reflecting. Next week will be different and that feels really good. I need some work on that incredibly elusive thing called Balance. I mean, that’s one of the major reasons we’re doing what we’re doing and what’s the point if I’m going to squander that and put myself in my own private rat race? Arg but it’s so comfortable there as bizarre as it sounds. I can imagine that most people (including me) – if asked – would say that they’d prefer to have a life that resembled a perpetual vacation. Seems like the ideal right? But I’ve had glimpses of what that is like at times along the way and it is not ultimately rewarding or peaceful. I’ve also experienced the opposite: moments where it feels like I have no choice but to work 25 hours a day, because otherwise where is the food-money going to come from?

And maybe this is just an Ecclesiastes moment, but really, that’s all quite meaningless. Especially because there is no joy or peace in either extreme. Especially because there is no success or reward or rest without Balance. And these things cannot be measured.

So. That basically sums up the past two weeks. My incredible wife has been amazing – patiently carrying way more than her share of the family side of things through it all. She’s supportive and knows the work I’ve been doing is really important. But I tend to set these unrealistic demands on myself and dare myself to meet them anyway. And I’ve got to learn how to let go more easily than a pit bull that has chomped down and fallen into a vat of wet cement that then immediately flash-hardens.

So, in the spirit of reflection, I am finally wrapping up one of those projects that I have had my mind on for a while without ever really sinking my teeth in. I am here, officially, kicking off our serial documentary (using the term more loosely than a weasel dipped in baby shampoo) “Journeys.” There will be more soon – I just have to combine all the clips, but here are the first few episodes (I am also playing with a new web toy I found this week):

…nevermind…

As destiny would have it my resolve to find Balance would be tested even before I published this post. I had 4 episodes of “Journeys” ready to post with this entry today (which I wrote last night while kicking off the uploads to YouTube before going to bed). To my horror, I awoke to discover that the audio tracks did not make it… should have remembered to AAC (mp4) encode them rather than mp3… grrrr… A second attempt was also thwarted when I re-encoded the audio tracks and re-uploaded only to discover that they were insufferably out of sync with the video now. Back to the editing table. But the show must go on! So I am publishing this sans videos… so much for having anything related to the title in this post.

But the Journeys episodes are coming! Some time! Whenever it is balanced to post them. And then you will see my new web toy too. Stay tuned. And have a fantastic day!

Some days it’s hard to believe we’ve been living so long in our trailer, as the days have passed so quickly. Other days, it seems like we’ve been living in it too long! We’ve been in Colorado since beginning of October and plan to stay through December. This is our longest stop so far. I think I might be getting a bit antsy, like I’m ready to pack up and get moving again. We’ve been having a great time here with family and met many wonderful new friends. We have had new business opportunities and have keeping busy with the work that has been coming in. We also have some good friends who happen to be family, coming to visit over the holidays as well. The kids are very excited about seeing them again. So am I.

We are so thankful at Father’s provision. He continues to give us what we need every day and every moment. And when I want to run away from hardships, His grace abounds and then I have the patience and understanding I need for the day. I hope I am growing while I’m here. I hope living with 2 other families and learning each other’s personalities is building my character. I hope I am being humble and sympathetic to those around me. I hope I am putting others before myself. I want to grow. It’s not easy, but I still want it. This is great training ground.

There are many blessings being here. One of the things I like most about being here is seeing the mountain range to the west. The majestic, snow covered peaks never get old and still take my breath away. I love that we get enough snow in one snow fall to go sledding and almost get snowed in. Then it warms up, the snow melts and we have more warm days and we can look forward to another new snow fall all over again. I am also enjoying the free babysitting and the many helping hands. The new family Shabbat traditions where together we welcome in the sabbath and set it apart is the weekly highlight. Thanksgiving last week was fun. We shared the meal together with many friends and family and are still eating the leftovers!

There are blessings and challenges wherever we roam. I hope I am embracing and being thankful for both.

Boom! Whoosh! Whomp! There are huge clumps of snow and icicles falling off the trailer onto the ground. It’s a bit hazardous coming and going, dodging big clumps of wet snow and icicle drippings. But it’s so warm today and the sun is hot and shining and making the white world sparkling and breathtaking. But today is a different day.

After the snow fall and cold weather all day Wednesday and Thursday, we received about 20 or more inches of snow. We enjoyed the snow but the kids got cold and wet very quickly. However, we soon remedied that with hot cocoa and a fire in the fireplace. That was the fun part. The hard part was bundling up the kids just to go the bathroom in the house. Our trailer is not hooked up to the sewer here. We have a small porta-jon, but it fills up very quickly. The other hard part is living in two places at once. Making lunch for the kids in the trailer while giving my daughter a bath and doing laundry in the house. Now today, while it’s warm, I don’t mind it a bit. Running back and forth, spending more time outside breathing in the fresh air, and getting a bit of exercise. It was the last two days that were very difficult (was it only two days? It seemed like a week). With no sun and it being so cold, it was a lot more character building. Keeping the kiddos occupied in a small space for a longer period of time and making sure they didn’t get too rambunctious in the house and cut short their house play time privilege. There are a lot of us and even when we do behave ourselves, we tend to change the sound and space dynamics of a place pretty obviously. Including us, there are 3 family units living in close proximity who all need their own space to function properly and recharge once and a while. I’m trying to be sensitive to others ‘ needs as well as our own.

That;s hardly an issue when it’s nice out, as they don’t need to spend that much time indoors. Today it was 45º F and getting warmer. After a little home schooling, my sister-in-law and I took our kids for a long walk through the snow to Whole Foods. To give them some exercise and sunshine, and to tucker them out so they would have blessed quite times this afternoon. The walk there was great and we had snacks and water in their cafe and picked up a few groceries for the weekend. The way back was a different story. The sun had melted more of the snow and it was a lot wetter than on the way there. My father-in-law had blessed us by bringing us some sleds that he had drilled holes in and attached ropes so we could use them for our tired kids on the way back. We ended up carrying them for half the way but definitely enjoyed them the rest of the way home. The kids were tired and complained of being wet and cold and having to go pee. On the way home, the sled I was pulling tipped over and Zach and all my groceries tumbled into a huge pool of melted snow. A few minutes later, my sister stepped in a big puddle and lost the whole sole of her shoe! We both burst out laughing. The tired kids, the puddles, and more mishaps along the way home could not discourage us. We were determined to enjoy the walk and knew we would be rewarded by a nice long quiet time when we got back.

And that is what I am enjoying right now. With the sun shining in through the windows and warming up our little home, all is peaceful and I am looking forward to taking the kids out again in about an hour or so. It’s been a beautiful day.

At this moment, Joy is asleep on my lap, Reayah is quietly reading books, Bennah is out riding his bike, Jaiden and Zach are asleep and Andrew is working on his photos. About an hour ago, Andrew and I we were enjoying the warm sunny day, sitting outside under the awning, drinking coffee and watching everyone play in Shawn and Shelley’s back yard. Reayah was shelling peas, our younger boys were playing in the water and Bennah was reading. I took a sip of my delicious hawaiian hazelnut coffee and looked out at everyone happily entertained and thanked YHWH for Shabbats. To top it all off, a loud choo choo train went by only a few yards away on the tracks that run right behind their house.

Little boys love their trains and fire trucks! Since we’ve been traveling, we’ve seen many trains. Some have even blown their whistle for us as they passed us and probably just happened to glace out and see a blue Suburban with all the windows rolled down, filled with kids grinning widely, hair blowing wild in the wind and waving frantically at them. On one rest stop in Saskatchewan, we stopped for some burgers at A&W.  A beautiful bright train just happened to pull up and stop right in front of the kids. I jokingly said “Maybe they stopped for a bathroom break or a lunch break!” Just then, out stepped 3 conductors. They walked along the tracks and headed straight for us. They graciously waved back at the ecstatic children and walked on to A&W for some lunch! We are constantly trying to teach the kids that everything good thing is a gift from YHWH. The kids love the trains so much, that they have started to thank Him every time they see a train. And why not? He knows the desires of our hearts and wants to give us good things to make us smile. Even if it’s something as common as seeing a train up close and having them blow their whistle just for you.

He has answered our prayers and is constantly blessing us with good gifts. In Oregon, on our way to the coast, I had prayed that Father would help us to eat healthy on the road and help us find good food to eat. Within what seemed like minutes, we saw signs for an indoor farmer’s market with fresh daily picked produce. It was in the middle of nowhere and had a HUGE gravel parking area that was perfect for RVs. I was blown away at how quickly He answered my prayer. From fresh cherries, yellow watermelons, berries, raw honey and green beans, we all enjoyed the wonderful bounty of the local farmers. The little blessings that we all receive everyday are actually a big deal when you consider who gives them and why they are given.

Shelley and Danica are out picking beets for the beet borscht she’s planing to make. I should go out and see if she needs any help.

This post was supposed to be a media blitz: photos, videos, links, etc. galore… Time is the incredible shrinking woman, it seems, and experiences are the clothes that always remain the same size. Sorry for the obtuseity. I’m feeling saucy on this rainy friday morning in the middle of a restless kids chaos storm swirling around the narrow chambers of our camper trailer. Let me set the scene further for you:

The hospitable Shawn (we’re comfortably parked and hooked up behind his home) is sitting next to me on the couch here in the trailer. Bennah says in frustration “I don’t care if it’s raining I want to go on the swings anyway… fine after I do some math [slams math book on the table]…” Jaiden exclaims in his high pitched excited voice from the steps (our door is propped open to shed the heat from the granola-cooking oven and let the cool rain air in) “it’s raining look it’s raining all so much.” Reayah tries to get her jacket on saying “I can’t wear it,” and Renee says “here, just over one arm,” and helps drape it over her sling.

She fractured her elbow a couple days ago.

And so begins a journey backwards through the most recent adventures. Should I start at the beginning or the end? Ok, we’ll go forwards from the last post.

Confession time: I actually did not end up going to bed after my last post like I said I was even though I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Well, they shot back open when I was closing the blinds because the Wal-Mart parking lot was literally swimming and swirling in the shadow of vast moth-clouds hovering around the lot’s lights. It was epic-plague-like. I’ve never seen anything like it. They were being chased, evidently, by an immense mountain lightening storm because after snapping a few stills and getting the video camera ready to roll there was scarcely a moth left and then the thunder started. I spent the next hour or two capturing some of the best lightening shots I’ve grabbed so far… and getting drenched doing it. Yes, I will post some of them eventually. It was spectacular. I only wished for a better backdrop, but I made do.

The rest of the trip went quite smoothly as we worked our way back up to Canada. We managed a good long stop each day for the kids to let out some energy including a Dinosaur Museum in Montana where they got to learn how to dig for fossils and practice on a big replica buried in a huge dirt pit in front of the museum.

And then the 2nd border crossing. My theory went like this: we’ll try crossing at a small customs portal in the middle of nowhere to avoid the hassle of over-cautious guards who have the added stress of constant traffic and a high-visibility location. Well, the crossing went quite well, and the theory seemed sound… until I realized a mile up the road into Saskatchewan (SK) heading towards Swift Current that those roads have no tax payers living along them and therefore calling them “paved” is a stretch of the imagination. More like – a patchwork quilt of materials that all bear some resemblance to pavement in their own unique way. I’ve pulled the trailer faster on dirt roads. What I thought would take a couple hours took twice the time, but we eventually made it to the Wal-Mart at Swift Current. So, the moral of the story (so far) is: you can’t beat the border even if you can choose whether to spend the wasted time in customs or on the precarious roads in the middle of nowhere. I still hope to find the ideal place to cross though… but like all things it will take some more trial and error.

Once we got close to Swift Current and of course along #1 across SK driving was a joy. I never thought I’d love driving across SK so much. But after the juggling act between gauges, engine temp, pyro, gears, speed, brakes, down-shifting, etc. in the mountains from Oregon through Montana, it was a mental reprieve to actually use cruise control for a while and savor the relative flatness.

We pulled into Dauphin Bible Camp at 9:10pm on Jul 31st after killing some time pulled up along the canola fields so I could take pictures of the vivid yellow landscapes. At least three other trailers pulled in right behind us and the great Rempel/Andres family reunion was underway. Not enough details from the weekend can be captured here. I’m still swimming in names and faces and my brain is still trying to put all the connections together even though this was my second reunion among Renee’s cousins and aunts and uncles. After all – her mother is the oldest of 16 (living) children and I think the last count at the reunion was over 100 immediate relatives (near 140 when you include the Andres side). I still need to hit facebook and the family web site again and have several aha! moments of “so that’s who that was!” here soon while it’s still somewhat fresh.

We did nearly everything Dauphin Bible Camp has to offer: pool swims, archery (Bennah is a natural), horseback riding (Reayah’s favorite by far), a crud-like game in this special long table made for it (the kids were most often hanging out there), and I even got in some BMX trail runs with Andrew’s Adventure Cam (soon to be unveiled in the still-coming media blitz). The time was full and the kids got tuckered. Jaiden even missed dinner one night because he was unconscious at 6:30pm.

The best of that time was spent reconnecting with family – especially some of our cousins who share so much in common with us for which it was a joy to discover and rediscover. Out of these moments of reconnecting we ended up adding a couple stops to our itinerary – Winnipegosis on the way to Minitonas – and Calgary on our way to Colorado (which will happen after Winnipeg – our next stop via Winnipegosis one more time).

Which brings us to Reayah’s fractured elbow. Our cousins in Winnipegosis have the kind of property that I dream about raising our children on some day if YHWH ever provides and leads us to actually settle down again and build the log home we have in mind: lots of land in the country, pasture, bush, trails, huge yard, dogs, play structure that you can jump off of onto the trampoline, pool, shop, etc. etc. etc. and QUADS (or as we say in the States: 4-wheelers). I took the kids for rides on their Polaris 500 through the slightly overgrown pasture trails and had such a blast that I’m itching to go back for more (maybe next time without any little passengers so that I can really get into some rough ATV action). Reayah made fast friends with one of our cousins’ daughters; they were inseparable, and could often be found zipping around on the little 150 quad in a manner that suited the adventurous personality they share.

Looking back, Renee and I should have set more explicit ground rules for our kids and the fun machines. At the time (and still now) I completely trust her friend’s piloting, even if the natural parental “be careful” mantra was always present. But I didn’t really feel any alarm for safety. She was in good hands as a passenger with her friend, and I was excited for them to get some experience on the 4-wheelers (Bennah was driving the 150 solo quite well before we left). The problem snuck in when Reayah thought it would be ok to try driving herself with her friend. I had let her drive the 500 sitting on my lap, and never made it clear that she could only drive with dad or mom helping her.

As best we can piece together so far, Reayah was sitting in the back reaching from behind her friend to steer, while her friend ran the throttle and the brake. This was probably perfectly logical to them. And I think Reayah turned too sharply a couple times and her friend even warned her about it. But before long, there was a ditch, maybe another sharp turn, and the whole thing came to a flipping halt. When the dust settled, thankfully the only carnage was Reayah’s left arm in some acute pain…. but no lacerations or protruding bones or blood or any of that. Still, Reayah is one tough girl, and from how she was holding her arm and answering our questions we knew we had to get it checked out.

At the hospital we saw one of our 15 aunts, and the receptionist that had to figure out how to put us Americans into their system grew up playing with my mother-in-law and her siblings. The doctor was competent albeit perfunctory. Initially the x-rays came back and nothing appeared broken. But after the radiologist’s report the next day, there was indeed a hairline fracture in the elbow. 4-weeks in a sling and lots of rest and no crazy adventures for Reayah (for now). The pain has not been too bad since the first day, and she never complains about it as long as she keeps it still.

I think we all learned a good lesson on this one with minimal damage (credit: YHWH’s mercy and grace). I don’t think Reayah will ever forget to ask us about similar situations in the future when she wants to do something new… nor the potential dangers that motorized toys can present. And I know Renee and I will strive for a better balance between trusting YHWH with out children’s safety and setting / communicating reasonable, preemptive ground-rules for new environments and experiences.

Overall we are feeling extremely blessed. It could have been a lot worse. But we’re so thankful that in this case YHWH is instructing through life while minimizing the consequences. And, this stuff happens, you know. I told Reayah the story of how I broke my elbow too when I was roughly her age by falling out of a tree that up until then had been perfect for hanging upside down from. Despite the tumble, I’m rejoicing that she had the fun she did on that quad with her friend. The injury is merely a small part of an overall amazing memory. And like the wonderful memory, the lessons will not be quick to fade either.

I can’t wait to go back and visit our cousins there again. I just feel a bit sad that Reayah will have to sit out on the quad rides for a while. I wish the Florida clan could meet the Manitoba clan up here… some day.

Next on the agenda for today: a visit to a dairy farm around 4pm to catch some machine-milking action. I love the kind of field trips we get to do with the kids now.

And then… SABBATH… it’s a blessing to be here with our friends in Minitonas (and this is the furthest north I’ve been so far). Oh… and by far, this is the best internet connection we’ve had on our travels 😉 Thanks Shawn!

You may think this title a little ironic – aren’t we supposed to be on a Family Life adventure or something? Why need a Family Day? Well, yesterday… actually it built up to yesterday, but we’ve seen cracks forming in our children’s behavior pretty much since we got here. It just took one good, epic Walmart session to shake the cracks into chasms and inspire a good bit of frustration in all of us. By the way, I hate shopping at Walmart. I’m not sure what it is, but I almost always come out of there worked up. Maybe it’s all the people, maybe its the fact that Walmart is a pretty good poster child for the materialism that I’d just as soon escape completely, maybe it’s something else. But4 hours is more than I can take, and I can understand how it would demand more than the best behaved child’s capacity. But we had a LOT of decisions to make as we continue the Revolution of Organization in our tiny home, and that takes time.

Putting them to bed, reflecting on some of the disobedience that surfaced (and our own shortcomings as parents who are still learning patience and all that good stuff) we concluded that we needed a Family Day:

1. YHWH first – give Him the day
2. Each other second – Love > Respect > Serve each other ALL day
3. Whatever else happened to work out.

It was a great, full day. I let Renee sleep in because she almost always lets me sleep in (hey – she’s the morning person in the couple), I whipped up some semblance (impostor) version of the homemade granola she spoils us with, we had Scripture Study and prayer, then we hit the chores: Zach did dishes, Reayah cleaned everything off the floor so Bennah could vacuum, I mounted a baby bouncing seat thing in the trailer so that Renee could free her arms up a little more often (this project took a bit of improvisation since RVs typically don’t have the kind of door frames those are designed to take advantage of), Renee got the kids bunk room in order with all the Walmart supplies, then she made Fruit Salad for lunch, then I went rollerblading with Bennah (he was riding Zach’s scooter) down “the lane,” then back in the creek with everyone, then we borrowed a sprinkler for the kids to run around in and invited the friends over…

Speaking of friends… I have a theory about one thing that contributed to the meltdowns (aside from, of course, the normal difficulty of adjusting to such a big life change, which we expected and knew it would throw things off balance for a period of time). We also realized that the kids have spent a LOT of time with their friends here – which has been great. But it isn’t “normal,” and despite the fact that we are now redefining “normal” for us as a family on a daily basis, it is at the very least not good if we aren’t balancing quality family time with quality friend time. We’ve been so busy getting settled and trying to stay on top of all the things that seem like they have to get done that perhaps we were just kicking back to be a family and have fun together as deeply as we should. Perhaps up until today (and I already had a tendency to do this anyway) we were subconsciously treating family time as just one more thing that had to get done during the day so that we could get onto the next chore.

Anyway, the whole point we’re doing this is to learn how to take our own personal expression of Family to a deeper level so that YHWH’s purposes in love for others can pour out of that. Today was certainly a neat milestone on that journey. There were still issues, but we were in a new place of strength to deal with them.

…so after all that (around 4pm) when the older friends got home from school and since it was so hot – all the sprinkler running and creek wading quickly deteriorated into massive water gun battles, pond throwing, and that sort of thing. We collected our children from the fun-tangle for dinner together as a family – one thing that we DO want to guard as “normal” – and feasted outside under the awning on grilled salmon (cooked over a new grill we are trying out that is a gift if we decide we can take it with us) and grilled asparagus (from our family friend here – she cut it from their garden today). After that: family movie time and popcorn in our cool A/C’ed mini-home and then bed time. Overall, a marvelous day together.

And we really needed it too – we are basically down to ONE week before we plan to pull up anchor and get underway again. Hopefully, this has recharged us a bit, as there’s lots to get done yet. I have to finish the desk project that I’ve been working on (wait till you see this thing!), we still have to get our overall weight down (we’re going to jettison the bedroom doors at least – replace them with curtains, ditch the blinds in the kids room – they just kick them all night in their sleep anyway, and anything else we can eliminate), replace the fresh water pump with a quieter model and keep the current one as a backup, make our reservations at campgrounds in Winnipeg and Oregon for the next few months, etc. etc. I could go on and on.

But I actually have to go take care of all that kind of stuff now… Some REALLY cool show-and-tell posts in the pipeline though… just taking longer to finish the projects that will inspire the posts. Renee and I are also trying to get $$$ work done somewhere in this all. This is really a lot of challenging fun!

Yesterday I helped dig a grave out in a field’s corner at the farm where we’re staying. That was a first for me, and a  very sobering and reflective endeavor on many levels. There we laid to rest the body of Barucha – a wise and strong spiritual grandmother to many – she didn’t need it any more. YHWH delivered her spirit from a three and a half year struggle with cancer, and she is now dancing in the Heavens once again.

As her husband shoveled the first few scoops of dirt onto the body in the grave, I put a rams horn to my lips and sounded a long steady blast that held strong until my breath collapsed. It was a wail of mourning and a victory shout all at once. The victory is this: she trusted and served her King – Yahushua the Messiah – faithfully until the end and will be raised incorruptible in the last Day.

My last memory of Barucha – the most vivid one – was etched in place on Day 9 (just 2 days before she passed away). She was lying there on her hospital bed in a lot of discomfort, holding my 6-month old daughter’s tiny little hands, delighting in baby Joy who was just sucking away on her finger. I remember feeling the profound weight of the differences and similarities colliding in such a small space between the two of them. Here were two Daughters of Tsyion that – by all physical appearances – were at completely opposite ends of life. And yet, they both had such a strong ember of life burning in each of their spirits that they could connect at precisely the same spot beyond human comprehension.

I have been very thankful that this was my children’s first firsthand exposure to death – as part of a bigger spiritual family in Barucha’s immediate family and others here who understand that death is part of life – that it is a transition, not an ending – that it is not something to be feared or avoided in conversation or treated as some strange thing.

I believe that death – as with anything in life – should be faced squarely, head on, dealt with as best anyone can, and then left behind. Barucha did this with all her might, and her family carries on in the same way.