The Edge [of all] Journeys

Yesterday I helped dig a grave out in a field’s corner at the farm where we’re staying. That was a first for me, and a  very sobering and reflective endeavor on many levels. There we laid to rest the body of Barucha – a wise and strong spiritual grandmother to many – she didn’t need it any more. YHWH delivered her spirit from a three and a half year struggle with cancer, and she is now dancing in the Heavens once again.

As her husband shoveled the first few scoops of dirt onto the body in the grave, I put a rams horn to my lips and sounded a long steady blast that held strong until my breath collapsed. It was a wail of mourning and a victory shout all at once. The victory is this: she trusted and served her King – Yahushua the Messiah – faithfully until the end and will be raised incorruptible in the last Day.

My last memory of Barucha – the most vivid one – was etched in place on Day 9 (just 2 days before she passed away). She was lying there on her hospital bed in a lot of discomfort, holding my 6-month old daughter’s tiny little hands, delighting in baby Joy who was just sucking away on her finger. I remember feeling the profound weight of the differences and similarities colliding in such a small space between the two of them. Here were two Daughters of Tsyion that – by all physical appearances – were at completely opposite ends of life. And yet, they both had such a strong ember of life burning in each of their spirits that they could connect at precisely the same spot beyond human comprehension.

I have been very thankful that this was my children’s first firsthand exposure to death – as part of a bigger spiritual family in Barucha’s immediate family and others here who understand that death is part of life – that it is a transition, not an ending – that it is not something to be feared or avoided in conversation or treated as some strange thing.

I believe that death – as with anything in life – should be faced squarely, head on, dealt with as best anyone can, and then left behind. Barucha did this with all her might, and her family carries on in the same way.

Unbelievable. Today is my last day of working at the NSC after 8 adventure-filled years tackling and getting tackled by some of the most amazing projects in my field… most of which, of course, I cannot talk about freely. I have had the privilege to meet and work with a wonderful range of professionals, and of course, the memories are endless.

I thought I’d sort of start a place to capture some of those memories as a way of saying goodbye to this season of my life. It has been a long season (in a very good sense) and I’m sure it will take a while to transition mentally and emotionally. I will continue to update this list as I think of additional moments, friendships, etc. (most of which will probably be completely obscure to the average reader). Please feel free to add your own memories in the comments too (as long as you keep it family-friendly). In no particular order, but generally working from the present to the past, and without expending too much effort to keep from being cheesy:

• The B & J show… thanks for all the laughs.
• My parting portal gift… sorry guys… blame MS.
• Transition madness… that could of course be broken down into nearly infinite memories all by itself (who wants to write the book with me?) 🙂
• The messed up badges.
• Much more to come… [I have to wrap things up here with out-processing]

The barley is Aviv in Israel! (Photos)

The first reNEWed moon starts the year this friday night – “This month is the beginning of months for you, it is the first month of the year for you.” Therefore, YHWH willing, we leave in 2 weeks after the pattern of the original Passover.

It hardly seems real. One week left at work. A week after that to finish emptying the house of all the remaining material trappings that cling to us (and it feels like there’s quite a lot left). And then a Severance. The old passes. The new comes. It is not too soon.

A dark storm gathers on the horizon. It may yet take years to reach its fulness and shed its fury, but it will not find us on these shores.

There is so much yet to do, but I know it will all fall into place – guided by the Hand that upholds the laws of creation and brings forth the Aviv barley in its time.

Part of this whole process is trying to find employment that will tolerate our 100% remote circumstances. There are more options for us than you might think: Renee is an amazing artist and graphic designer and I am an experienced programmer and technology consultant with some remarkable credentials from past projects. Our “Plan B” is to do this completely Freelance if we have to… and we might just have to. Today I got word that one of the positions that interested me, and for which I had interviewed, is not going to work out. I’m a little disappointed, but also relieved – even though they might have been willing to consider the remote arrangement, I think they were looking for a larger up-front commitment than I was completely comfortable with (at least initially while we’re trying to figure out the basics of our new lifestyle). So, one less decision to make. That door is closed. But it means we’re still considering all the options and trusting for finality on our income to materialize at some point. This is completely true to what we knew would happen when we decided to start this process: it is stretching and building our trust in the Creator as our Provider.

Through this prism, then, I found myself considering the big picture of our transition as I was reading Jeremiah 32 this morning when I came to verses 22 and 23: “And You gave them this land, of which You swore to their fathers to give them, a land flowing with milk and honey. And they came in and possessed it, but they did not obey Your voice nor did they walk in Your Torah [loving instructions]. They did not do ALL that You commanded them to do, so you brought all this evil upon them.” (emphasis mine)

As I read this I was convicted: am I doing all of this for the right reasons? What started out as a simple dream and desire that Renee and I shared even before we were married is finally coming to pass. But are we stepping into this merely because we’ve always wanted to do it, or are we truly going because we’re committed to Yahweh’s greater purpose in it? This morning I was keenly aware that my heart is still trying to hold onto my own ideas and desires for our Journeys, which maybe explains why it can be so hard to get motivated to do everything it will take to finally depart. Those ideas and desires are not bad – in fact, I firmly believe that they are planted in us by our Heavenly Father to get us headed in a particular direction. However, alone they are incomplete, and pursued without Yahweh’s purposes to guide them, they are empty.

And so, to clarify where my heart is, I wrote the words of this prayer:

Father Yahweh – forgive me for loving worldly comforts and securities so much. I hate loving them. I hate the hesitation caused in my by that affection. Forgive my hesitation. As Your people physically departed Egypt but left many of their hearts behind in slavery, please do not let us make the same mistake. Circumcise our hearts as we depart so that we cling completely to You. Cause us to remember Lot’s wife.

I want our travels to be about Purpose and not just adventure. I want them to be for Your honor and not for any attention drawn to us. I want them to be filled with labor for Your Kingdom and not merely a vacation from the world. I confess: we do not know how to do this. We have an amazing responsibility to raise our children in Your Ways and to provide for their needs. Strengthen us to trust in Your provision!

We place ourselves in Your Hands – to go where you show us. To do what you ask us. I don’t want to seek any of this for my own pleasure or satisfaction – You will fill us along the way – but I want this to be about completely obeying ALL Your beautiful plans for our family. We will not be safe outside of Your Design. I know this. We will not be successful in our own strength. I know this. But if we follow the paths which you have already laid, and guard to keep our hearts in Your Present Purposes, I also know that you will add so much more to our journeys than we could ever hope or imagine.

Help us to do what it takes. Help us to find balance before the coming chaos.