The Edge [of all] Journeys

“I know the perfect ending for movies. They should NOT end with kissing but should have fighting instead.”

(age 6)

I’m sitting here with a coffee and a leftover brownie, basking in the sleepiness from a very late night and memories from a wonderful Passover last night shared with family and friends.

One of the advantages of being in an actual house, is being able to host dinners and events. I really enjoy hosting and love serving people. To see full bellies and lots of smiles is the reward for me. Living in a trailer has hindered the ability to host. Although we have attempted with success on occasion. Of course, hosting comfortably while in a trailer generally has to be done outside (we have done it inside and our guests have been very accommodating even though they didn’t have much elbow room). We have had another family of 5 over for a sleepover and it worked. We have had rotisserie over a campfire for a large group, and even with my small kitchen, have fed large groups of people. I just have to be creative. Oh, those were the days. We’ve been in this house for 5 months now and I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to live on the road.

We are still planning to move back into our trailer, but are waiting to save up a little money first before we hit the road again. We’ve not sure how long that will take since we haven’t had any extra to save lately. We’re trusting that when we’re supposed to leave, we’ll have the funds to do so. In the meantime, we are really enjoying the house, the town, the people and Yahweh’s plan. Yah’s plans are more often than not, different than our own plans. I’ve been stretched personally and challenged many times to just rely on His purposes and timing and just let my own expectations go.

But, back to last night. 🙂 We had 4 other families over to share in passover with us. The lamb took a bit longer to cook than I anticipated so, we began later than I had hoped (another challenge to let go of my own expectations) but trusted in Yah’s timing for everything. We started off the night by mounting a mazuzah on our doorpost. Yes, this is just a traditional jewish way of interpreting the scripture to “write His word on your doorpost.” We had this mazuzah for years and never used it. It was a handmade gift and is very beautiful but I had reservations about using it since it is “jewish tradition.” I had wanted to literally write scripture on my doorpost, but have never gotten around to it. This year, the idea of mounting the Mazuzah seemed cool. Contained in this little decorative wooden box, is a small paper scroll with the “Shema” passage (Deuteronomy 6:4-9), in which Yah commands us to keep His words constantly in our minds and in our hearts. The scroll also contains another passage (Deuteronomy 11:13). It is not a superstition but is simply a decorative way to obey Deuteronomy, 6:9 (And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house, and on your gates). We broke bread and drank wine in remembrance of What Yahweh’s son did for us, and shared a wonderful meal together. Andrew read some scripture and we had some good discussion and people shared some of their personal testimonies and experiences. The discussion got late and although it didn’t really feel that late, after everyone left, it felt really good to go to bed.

Thank you to everyone who was able to come and share in this very special feast with us. To the rest of our spiritual family, we remembered you last night, we love and miss you and are so thankful for you and your friendship and encouragement. Blessings and Happy Feast!

Time is a funny thing. Take for instance the time that I am spending to write this when perhaps I should be sleeping. From a certain vantage point this time could be better spent. And from another, this is the best way to spend it.

For some reason this day culminated in a peculiar sequence of events and observations that might have otherwise gone unnoticed if it hadn’t been for the curious case of Benjamin Button. Do you ever notice that? How some days more than others just seem to be trying to communicate a particular message all their own. Maybe every day should be like that and it is only certain days that we’re actually listening carefully enough to catch it. And then again maybe some days just shout their message more loudly than others.

So much time has passed since last I wrote. That must be some sort of psychological hurdle that ironically prevents me from writing more frequently until finally some sort of unavoidable inspiration overcomes the inertia of all the things that have passed unrecorded and I have no choice but to but to let it all come flowing out in a colorful outburst laden with weightier harmonies than any routine life-stenography could carry.

Today was dripping violently with Time saturation as though the last few months have been soaking in it and someone finally decided to raise it high with discovery’s expectation for how much It held and how long it would take to drip out.

I have been driving myself hard the last few months particularly with work. It’s easy to do as I love what I’m good at and there’s no shortage of things to demand my particular zeal for stubborn problem solving. But in the middle of that seemingly inescapable and delightful storm also comes the burden of feeling like my other priorities – some of them like family, which are far more important – are just getting the left-overs of me at best. And while I know that the blessings of my work at home situation afford me much greater flexibility and more time with my wife and kids than most, it still doesn’t feel like enough – it feels like I should have more for them and less for work. What do we allow to devour our time?

We were clearly past due for a vacation and what better way to spend it than a weekend-long prophecy seminar about the End Times, some time catching up with family and friends, and a solid day of shopping in Winnipeg? Yes, when we returned home after almost a week I knew that we had a great vacation because we needed another. Time.

But the healthiest part was going (nearly) cold turkey on work for a bit. Of course this means that I’m having to drag myself past some reluctance to build up steam again, but I think that this is a good thing too and will hopefully help me strike a fresh and more stable balance as things settle out once more.

And then there are video games. Ah how quickly dormant passions resurface when the right conditions conspire to release them: the placebo of an outlet that involves problem solving of a very different sort than the routine, a new facilitator (iPad ironically purchased solely for work at the first), and the excuse of vacation time. If you don’t understand how I can connect the concepts of Passion and Gaming, then you have somewhat to learn about the authentically male heart. In perfect Eldredge-ian philosophy (most of which I believe is very very truthful) I can recognize that hours and hours poured into colonizing planets, designing and commanding fleets of ships, and taking over the universe one star system at a time Is really nothing more than my male heart seeking a visceral kingdom building experience. And yet that is Time that completely evaporates, and there is a real Kingdom to build, and the mind knows this even as the spirit knows that Kingdom is far more real and adventurous than even the most cleverly crafted game. Ah but we we like our instant gratification don’t we? There’s nothing quite like starting with only one planet and no technology and in the span of a few near-all-nighters defeating 4 other alien species for domination of the universe.

There is nothing like the innocent disappointment of a child who missed out on some enjoyment of an incredible moment in life because it didn’t match their expectations of how it was going to or should unfold to drive home the lesson that every moment in Time is precious and if we are constantly requiring them to fit our preconceptions of how they ought to play out then we will be constantly let down. Today reminded me that Time is not something we can place demands upon, but that we will also have a far superior experience within its confines if we decide to make the most of it and savor. This was essentially the encouragement and warning I gave Reayah. It was also the wisdom shared by Renee’s grandmother at the girl’s Tea Party that Renee and the girls hosted here while the boys and I holed up upstairs and did guy things.

Then today my laptop power supply fried out. It was the oddest thing. The failure caused a fluctuation in the power of other things plugged into the same power supply, accompanied by a faint pop and the smell of toasted electronics though it took me a minute or two to figure out what had happened. (Almost) nothing lasts forever and Time claims many things. In the instance that I figured out what had happened, the implications threatened to choke me. Thankfully the power supply for my old laptop turned out to have the same exact watts, amps, and plug size, and I can use that until the new one arrives.

As if attempting to tie all those threads into a final tapestry from the day, Renee decided she was going to watch a movie tonight and it was going to be The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. For all it’s shortcomings it’s still an excellent thought-provoker and I found one thing in particular resonating quite deeply: “when it comes to the end [of a particular plan, of a day, of a season, of a life], you have to let it go.”

How true. Seems like there was more I had intended to write, but coming to the end of this post I am discovering that my brain is using Time less and less efficiently the longer I keep at this and I too have to let it go.

“dad I was running so fast my body almost fell apart and I was like the sun burning up!”

(age 6)

[asking to be excused from the dinner table]:

“can I be full now?”

(age 3)

Probably about time for a photo refresh here:

So, we’ve been in one place since April. That’s hard to believe. We have had a couple little weekend and a 2 week-long trips during that time but always returned to our little spot in front of Leon’s work shop and beside the barn where Lewis the Llama and Pixie the horse are always wondering around. Last week, as Andrew wrote, we moved from our trailer into an old, but warm 3 bedroom house in town. We loved being at Leon & Jenn’s but it was getting too cold and instead of heading south for the winter this year, we felt we were supposed to stick around. This week, it became winter officially. The temperatures have dropped (and will keep dropping) and the snow is here to stay. Being in a cozy house with lots of room for the kids to frolic makes me almost welcome the cold winter weather. For after playing a while in the snow, or a long walk to the library and back, we can leisurely take off our boots and coats with plenty of elbow room and enjoy the rest of the day indoors, sipping hot cocoa, playing games and doing more school (winter is a great time to get more school done-less time outside)!

I can say that I have become a country girl. I really love it here. I loved the spring when the snow was melting and people starting riding their quads, and the town got together to work to sandbag around the lake again. After it dried up a bit, we’d pass the tractors and other farm vehicles along the highway and wave to the farmers as they started planting. The summer was a blur, gardening and enjoying the sun. The fields were golden yellow and comforting. Fall brought out the big combines that took up the whole shoulder and your lane and some of the far lane, but around here, there was never any traffic so it was always easy to pass them and the kids made sure to wave as we were going by.

Now, winter is here. After this season is over, we’ll have stayed here a full year. One whole year in one spot. Nice. We’ll see how anxious we are to start traveling again in the spring. Andrew wants to be in Colorado for the spring/summer next year, which will be nice, although I can say already that I’ll miss this place.

I love Winnipegosis. I love the size. Even in such a small town (630), there are many stores here where you can find almost anything you’re looking for without having to drive to the large town 30 minutes away. There are two grocery stores, a hardware store, a Chinese restaurant, a hospital, a hotel, 2 banks, a pharmacy, service shops, real estate, salons, and a fire station with the only pink fire truck in Canada! I love the little library, which is as big as our living room but Zach thinks it’s the best library ever, since we did some cool crafts and played a few games there in the summer and he can take home a new bookmark and stickers after every visit. They can also order in any book I request.

I love the way people wave you when you pass them, whether they know you or not. I love the feeling of community. Even though we might not know many people here yet, many people know of us and have heard of us. Yes, people talk and gossip, but it seems to me so far that it’s more of just talking about what’s going on around town, and not malicious. I feel that if anything ever happened to us or if we really needed help, we would have lots of people come and help. We’ve felt that with many of the places we’ve visited and groups we’ve become a part of. We are so blessed and thankful to have so many people in our lives who we can love and trust like family and who love us. Many of them are not near us and are missed.

After a week of being in the house, we still need to move a few things from the trailer yet, and then do a thorough cleaning and winterizing. I’m planning to paint a few rooms in the house, just to make it more personal. Andrew rolls his eyes at me and smiles when I tell him what I’d like to do and try to explain to him, from an artist’s perspective he importance of colour in our lives.

I’ve used about half the tomatoes we harvested for sauce but still have many more to can or freeze. I need to can my beets as well. They are getting soft. We have a lot of storage space in the basement for food supplies that will come in handy and be important especially during the winter when blizzards and electrical outages and other inconveniences could prevent or limit our access to outside supplies.

Have a blessed weekend! oxoxo

We just moved into a house for the first time in 2.5 years. Weird. I’m too exhausted to dive into the mundane yet fascinating details that could become poetic. We will see how house-living for a winter treats us and then in all likelihood move back into the trailer and hit the road once again come spring. But next spring we have our sights set on Colorado for a summer, and that would be really nice.

The house belongs to Renee’s grandparents, and it is quite a blessing. It’s pretty old and rough around the edges, but more space than we know what to do with. It was so interesting…. of course this is the first time that Sky has been in a house – like, to live in – and if we went in another room he would always get a little upset and come looking for us. It was bizarre to have to walk 30 feet through 2 rooms in order to throw a diaper away. The kids are all super excited to have their own bedroom space even if the boys are sharing a room and the girls are sharing a room (although Bennah does have his own little nook with a mattress in the hall).

There are many settling in adventures yet to be had. I think my biggest concern is that we’re going to acquire a bunch of stuff that we’re just going to have to get rid of again in the spring. The prospect of expanding bothers me, although it is super nice to stretch out. Still have to winterize the trailer and do a bunch of other stuff.

Now I am even boring myself. What a whirlwind. The Denver trip was amazing. Still reeling from that.

Zach had a hard time going to sleep tonight because of the creaky house. Or the excitement. I’m looking forward to a nice quiet work environment for once, where I can be upstairs at my desk while the kids wreak havoc downstairs. So much more I want to capture about this moment, but everything feels bland and gray in my tired foggy brain.

What a blessing it is to be here, and what exciting things are on the brink of unfolding this winter!